Frigid Dining


Lately I’ve been rubbernecking Architectural Digest. It’s not that the photos aren’t glamorous. It’s–well, just look.

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These are from a series of “Before + After: Stunning Dining Room Makeovers.”

The “before” photos are predictably stodgy, dated and bland. The “after” photos are stunning all right. They make me want to jam needles under my fingernails.

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It’s like the season trend is “Corporate Formal meets Frozen.”

And they’re ALL LIKE THAT.

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When I look at those shiny shiny surfaces, all I can think of is slipping in stiletto heels and gashing my head open on the edge of that table. When I look at those icy chandeliers, I look around for a fur bathrobe.

When I think about eating dinner in these rooms, I lose my appetite.

And that’s why “stunning” isn’t necessarily a good index for designing rooms that people actually want to live in. It may be arresting to the eye. But how do you FEEL when you’re IN there?

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Are you paranoid that you’re going to spill red wine all over that white wool carpet?

Me, too.

You know what I LOVE? Brooklyn designer Matt Austin.

This is his Bushwick apartment, painted with a “halo to give him golden dreams.”

You want to hang out there, so you can have golden dreams, too.