The Eccentric Genius Room Upgrade
Once upon a time, I had this genius friend. His room spoke to potential mates. What it said was, ‘Unabomber.‘
Geniuses are rightly suspicious of people who try to mold or change them. So I wasn’t about to try that.
What I suggested: ‘how about we make this place a little MORE YOU. Tweak it to support the way you already do things.’
He agreed, guardedly, to give it a try. For six hours, we wrangled the demons and the angels of his soul.
At the end of it, his room said ‘Eccentric Genius.‘
Six months later we were dating.
(That last result is NOT guaranteed.)
Eccentric Genius Room Upgrade Package:
- Sensory Sensitivity Analysis
- Intense Irritant Troubleshoot
- Habit Mapping
- Genius Color Test
- Light Intervention
- Furniture Sales Interference
- Total Habitat Upgrade
Eccentric Genius Room Upgrade Package: The Fine Print
Renovation Hell Interface
When is the contractor showing up? Doesn’t the electrician have to do his thing before the drywall installation? What’s the electrician’s phone number? You say he’s on vacation?
He put the outlets WHERE?
Did you pick your fixtures yet? Does this faucet clash with that tile? Will that hardware look dated in three years?
That flooring is on sale, but they only have enough to cover two-thirds of the dining room. The patch doesn’t match.
The plumber says they have to dig up the sidewalk.
Renovation Hell Interface Package:
- Design Drafting
- Decision Tracking
- Calling and Texting Absent Labor
- Panic Control
- Budget Control
- Miracle Working
Business Aura Whispering
Let’s paint that wall the same color as our logo.
Ouch. Maybe not.
Business Aura Whispering Package:
- Client From Hell Mitigation
- Lawsuit Prevention
- Fairy Dust
- Wow, This Place Is Great, Let’s Get Married Here
- Eccentric Genius Upgrade and Renovation Hell Interface Included
Magical Ice Castle Manifestation
You know that scene in ‘Frozen’ where Elsa is manifesting an intricate ice castle by flinging her hands around while singing at the top of her lungs?
If you find it intensely annoying when people do that, please DO NOT HIRE ME.
Magical Ice Castle Manifestation Package:
- Viewing The Deeps of Your Soul
- Discovering The Unique Beauty There
- Manifesting This Upon Your Walls