You Don’t Need Twelve Million Dollars

…to have an amazing home.

In my inbox today: this stunning Malibu home, courtesy of my subscription to Trulia (otherwise known as Crack for Designers.)

barehouse5I am supposed to covet this home. It is owned by actor Matthew Perry and is on sale for a mere $12,500,000.

barehouse4It gives me the screaming horrors.

barehouse1Because the proportions are all wrong.

This is not a house for human-sized humans. This is a roller skating rink. It’s a hotel lobby. It’s icy, bland, agoraphobia-inducing and soulless.

barehouse2Take a look at the seating areas. You can’t have an actual conversation while sitting on any of that furniture. The distances are too great. You’ll be screaming at each other across a vast tract of sand-colored space.

barehouse3That kitchen? It might as well be an industrial cafeteria. Nobody is cooking a simple pasta dish with basil and fresh mozzarella while kibbitzing with guests over a bottle of Merlot, in that kitchen. Instead the caterer is slinging pre-fab hors d’oeurves and plotting revolution.

barehouse6Is this where we’re eating dinner? Or is it the company cafeteria?

barehouse8If you’ve ever wondered how it feels to sleep in a fish tank, now you know.    barehouse7 Behold, this magnificent and pointless excess, and now listen here to me:

You can do better than this.

You can have a home that fits you–physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. You can live in a place that fits you like a glove, and gives you room to soar.

And you can do it without spending anything close to twelve million dollars.

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